The Week That Wuz

Once again I lift my nimble fingers to report, comment and vent on another week gone by.

The big story has been (and remains) Egypt. Revolution. Chaos. Censorship. That’s all I’ll write as the changes are coming so fast that by the time I complete this sentence yet another odd event or action will have occurred. In fact, just now I’ve learned that Egyptian TV is currently showing pictures of flowers.

Ponder that image. Try not to laugh.

Meanwhile, our dear BFF, Mother Nature, is really in an escalating surly or feisty mood as she dumps gigantic snowballs over half of the U.S. - just for kicks, I guess. Oh, who can blame her for having her own version of a meltdown or being the class clown of the Universe? It must get lonely at the top with no one to play with, so, from time to time, she must have a giggle-fest or a total blowout.

Australia was next in her crosshairs with a major Cyclone yesterday that swirled down under with gripping force flattening all plant life and tossing roof's of homes and buildings into the air to slap a few more Aussies around while they attempt to put their lives back together following the soaring floods of January. Hey, that kind of behavior is simply not acceptable, Missy Nature! How about a nice little rain shower in drought-ridden areas? You know, do something productive instead of destructive?

Oh, she won’t listen to me. It’s as if I’m talking to the wind.

Hollywood news never gets old, does it? It’s not as if the same names are in the press every week with a new bout of troubles. No way. Nope. We’re not tired of hearing about Lindsay Lohan’s recent kleptomaniac moment at a jewelry store, are we? The classy way she had a “friend” return the $2,500 necklace after the store reported the alleged theft to the police? Or that her probation may be jeopardized - again - with this latest" mistake"? Or that she may end up back in prison for this little mishap? Or, could it be that her wattle wrist is gonna get slapped one more time and she’ll be re-sent off to re-Habitat for Insanity? Hey, I have an idea. Why not send her over to Charlie Sheen’s man cave for his version of home rehab? The two of them would have a real good time, I betcha.

Try not to imagine what even one night in the same room with those two would be like. Really. Don’t.

A new media throwdown is on the rise between MSNBC’s Chris Matthews and Fox News’ Glenn Beck. How nostalgic it is now that Keith O. is gone and his war of words against Bill O’Reilly of Fox is but a mere, dim memory of bashings past. Chris has taken up the sword and is calling Beck “looney-tunes” – a rather mild description in my humble opinion. Glenn Beck’s maniacal Islamic conspiracy ramblings have risen to a fear-mongering hysteria at the same speed of his radio and TV ratings nose dive. Never fear, Fox is standing behind their man. The only way they would dare to send him out the door would be in a much-needed straitjacket as he clutched his blackboard and chalk, pointer and the hefty buzz saw he swung around his set last week, indicating that he just might use it on a bunny wabbit.

Oh that Glenn. He’s a laugh and a half, isn’t he? Hope if any of you watched that segment you weren’t with sensitive children or future serial killers enjoying the promise of a chainsaw massacre on live TV. In future, Fox should place a PG 14 warning on his program for all kinds of crazy reasons – as in, he’s bloomin’ crazy!

Last, and the very least of the weeks’ grand bumbles, is the reality that not one person I know, nor not one stranger on the Internet, misses Larry King. Now, that says something – I just don’t know what it means because Piers Morgan hasn’t shut his boring mouth on his gaudy new set in Larry’s old time slot since Day One. Perhaps viewers are too shell-shocked watching all of those wispy pastels in the background make Piers appear as if he’s channeling his show from the inside of a VW bus from the 1960’s. Guaranteed LSD flashbacks for diversion.

Otherwise, most of us would change the channel much faster if we could only find that funny-looking remote device with all of those confusing little buttons with numbers and squiggles on them......