In Defense of Pigs

A recent TIME Magazine article delved into the problem of men in power behaving like “pigs” when it deals with sex. I feel sorry for pigs these days. They are getting a bad rap to be associated with the Arnold’s and Strauss-Kahn’s of the world. What have pigs ever done to deserve this smear campaign?

Poor little things. Sure, they roll around in the mud and make oinking sounds. Beyond that (and eating anything thrown at them), they are basically following their nature.

Other animals roll around in mud, too. Even little children like to jump in mud puddles and giggle. And that’s what pigs are doing with their oinks. Giggling, perhaps, chatting amongst themselves. They could be oinking “Hi there” when their feeder arrives with another bucket of who-knows-what for lunch.

In addition, pigs clean up quite nicely when you hose them down.

I think pigs are kinda cute. Remember the film Babe? Awwww. There was nary a dry eye in the theatres. They look so innocent and sweet with their round little puggy-like faces and cute wittle-big ears and that curly, slightly jovial tail.

Beyond all of the mud rolling, my experience around pigs has been benign at best. I never saw any of them dashing off to copulate every five minutes, either. Nope. Rabbits do that sort of decadence. They are the true whores of the nature universe. And so are ducks.

In truth, ducks are incredibly noisy when they mate. I know that for a fact. The pond on the property where I grew up was home to several ducks that would wake me at all hours when they chased each other through the bushes in their pursuit of duckiness. Squawk, shriek, quack-quack, honk-honk – wonk! Sometimes the foliage would be shaking during their quaking, and feathers would literally be flying. I mean, woweee!

And don’t get me started on ants! For heaven’s sake they have no shame at all! They ant-around in public on top of one another all the time, not bothering to go back to their little ant hill where their dalliance's would be far more appropriate.

Yep. I have to stand up for what I know is the right thing: Pigs may have an odious smell but I blame that on their keepers who put them in those sties in the first place and rarely clean them up. Place any animal in a crowded cage, toss a lot of crap at them, and eventually a stench will rise to the surface. People will cringe and get as far away as they can, just as Barbara Walters did yesterday on The View when Whoopi let her gas rip.*

Eeeeeew!

*(Source: Google is your friend.)