To Be or Not to Flee

Today’s flog takes a turn into different territory so that I may continue to be fair in all that’s not love and more.

This time, I flog all of us who haven’t the time, desire, interest or magnanimity to support our friend’s projects – whatever they may be. So self-involved are we that reading a friend’s book, watching their latest documentary, buying their latest music CD, attending an event they have invested enormous time and money into, is just too much to ask. The same can be said about non-entertainment/media-based enterprises, such as a friends’ interior design business, or new restaurant – any achievement.

I know I’ve been one of those “bad friends” for many a year. Books written by friends remain on my bookshelf unread; music CD’s “go un-bought”; concerts remain unattended. And yet, I’ve had the ironic puzzled and often times angered reaction to when my friends don’t support whatever my newest “thing” might be. “What’s up with them?" I think in an irritated or disappointed frame of mind with festering negative emotions. “I supported their (fill in the blank). Harrumph!” Or, in the opposite direction = “What’s wrong with my (fill in the blank)? I’m not good enough for them? They didn’t/don’t like what I do? Wah!”

Reciprocity is often a dicey forest to saunter into when many of the hiking trails aren’t going to lead to where you want to go. In my current situation with a little blog, I realize that most of my friends aren’t interested in politics. And if they are, my way of expressing  views may not be their cup of tea, especially if mine is heavily caffeinated and they prefer herb. Therefore, I don’t expect a reaction from them. Nevertheless, a few good souls have taken the time and effort to send an email, make a call, or comment on FB.

On the other hand, as it were, was, and so on, I haven’t read many of my friend’s books, or watched some of their TV programs and films because I simply wasn’t interested in the subject matter. But I bought the books anyway. How nice it would have been had I read them and provided feedback. If I hadn’t cared for their writing or the subject, the least I could have done was to tell them how impressed I was that they had made the effort. The same can be said for those with films and TV programs.

Are we taking our friends and acquaintances’ talents and interests for granted? Is ego a part of the hesitancy for many to jump aboard another’s ship for a moment to smell the sea breeze of their accomplishments?  I’ve given this subject much thought over the last year or so. I read and hear the disappointments of a few when they have discovered how little interest their project has generated and the either bitter or pained reactions they’ve expressed when friends they had counted on for support didn’t show up in one form or another.

Despite how busy most of us are in our careers and big or little worlds, I think that if we can take the time to listen to a new CD by an admired artist, we could at least take a moment to check out a friend’s latest offering. If we have time to go out to a film, we could at least try to set aside an hour or two to watch a friend’s documentary. If we don’t like what we see or hear or read, again, at least we tried. Although it’s often true that strangers tend to become our best audiences, what does it say about friendship when we don’t have the decency to take the time to help those we know reach their goals?

One part of this apparent “lack of support” is, of course, the evident fact that we know the person, and fear that if we have a critical response to their work the friendship will falter. Thus, many remain silent. Others won’t respond with positive feedback if they believe their “friend” is an egomaniac and becoming a “fan” of sorts would only aid their already swollen head. Some of this is true. In other cases, though, it truly isn’t when one looks below the surface. Most of us want and appreciate praise. Most of us would rather not be criticized. It’s my opinion that a balance can be found between the two in the name of support.

Ask yourself this question: would you rather not know you had been standing on a stage for an entire speech with your “fly” open? If you nailed a presentation or won an award, wouldn’t you like to hear “Congrat’s” from a friend or two? How thick or thin is your skin? How much are you willing to risk to set aside your myopic focus on your own life to send a little “like” or a private message re: someone’s news?

C’mon, everyone. Send a little love or feedback to those who are carving out a place for their talents and interests. You don’t have to lie about a thing if you don’t find what they’re doing very exciting or great. All you need to do is focus on how you would like to be treated if in their situation.

I know that I still have a way to go to be a fully supportive friend when one has a new project to share. I’ll do my best to be better. It’s also important to thank those who do show up for us, and I take this opportunity to do so to all of those who have brought wonderful smiles to my face via their feedback on my writing, as well as to those who have provided very constructive criticism.

Now, if I could only learn how to follow a few of the suggestions…..