Snakes On the Brain

Holy snakes! Yes, I’m writing about the only truly funny thing going on in the news this week – the missing-from-the-Bronx-Zoo Egyptian Cobra presumably roaming New York with a Twitter following of over 150,000. One news anchor mentioned that even she doesn’t have that many Tweetie followers. Hearing that admission made me feel so much better about my two followers, but then, I’ve barely tweeted more than a glib “Check this out” a few times, so……

It’s refreshing when everyone gets together to pass the time pretending to be a highly poisonous snake in the big city, especially when there are already snakes slithering through the streets in human form just waiting to rise up in a creepy hissing puff of venom. Joking about it is the best way to deal with snake anxiety, don’t you think? I’m serious about the funny part. Really.

Chances are that the sneaky little snake is coiled-up somewhere warm on the zoo’s premises. Cobra “experts” have been interviewed to assure the public that the snake is not likely to attack anyone unless it’s “scared” or “frightened” – or hungry. That information is so reassuring. I’m sure a snake on the slither wouldn’t be one bit freaked-out if a hapless wanderer accidentally stepped near its latest hiding place….

So, New Yorker’s, never fear…you are the ones who can scare the heck out of the snake if you don’t make any fast moves. Right. As if I’d be perfectly calm and clear-headed with a puffed-up cobra staring me in the face  – eye to eye. Yeah, I would just stay still and not exude enormous amounts of “fear energy” because someone told me the snake has poor eyesight/low vision and only strikes if the blur in front of it moves. That too is terribly reassuring. How does one just walk away from something that attacks movement?

But, as the “experts” say, there is no cause for panic. Simply don your snake charmer self with nerves of steel if you live in the city and walk a lot. But then, who says there can’t be “Snakes On a Train”? Those NY subways platforms and train interiors can be semi-dark and warm. Just ask all of the other snakes who have lurked within the dank environments over the years – particularly those who snuck out of the cracks and into the street named “Wall.”

For details: http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/30/us-cobra-twitter-idUSTRE72T5TM20110330