Have you ever wondered what it would be like if numerous web-focused adverts claiming “Mother of Six is 55 and Looks 35 – How Did She Do It?” was reversed? “Mother of Six is 35 and Looks 65 – How Did She Do It?” Well, no explanation needed there. It would be fun, though. Her answer could be “Hell, it’s easy. I smoke a pack of ciggies every day. Never exercise. Hate putting all that goop on my face and, well, with six little nutcases running around the house, I don’t have time to cook, so we order lots of pizzas and go to Mickey D’s for their fine whoppers and fries.”
Another answer could be: “I’ve been too busy using those trial versions of all kinds of products and it’s wearing me out! I’m exhausted!” Such an answer wouldn’t be too off the mark.
From what I’ve heard and read about these offers, a few are truly legit, whereas the majority are not. For example, in all of the adverts, the “trick” or “tip” from the “mother” (who is usually not a “real” person) is to take advantage of all of the various anti-aging product trials, mix them up, and – voila! – with very little financial output other than shipping costs, one is given the “Fountain of Youth” for under $5.00.
IF one is willing to use only a small portion of the trial product, return it before the trial period is up, and start over again with another product, then you’re batting 100 in the trial period game. But that’s a lot of shipping and diddling around for a few dabs of crème or toner or whatever the trial entails. Especially if you have to call the customer service division of the merchant to cancel your order, only to end up with an automated system that sends your call to another automated system where all of your input via prompts is not recognized and suddenly there is a click on the other end, a brief silence, and the automated female voice begins to drone “If you’d like to make another call, please hang up…..”
You’ve been disconnected!
So you try again. Your trial end-date is only days away. To not be charged an horrendous amount of money for your “Trial” purchase, instructions indicate you must place a call (no emails or letters) to their rep’s and have that little tube of goo ready to be sent back and received by a specific date – which is usually within a time frame impossible to properly test the product for effectiveness.
If you have enough tenacity or patience, you may eventually locate a human on the other end of your endless calling. Oh Happy Day! Now the issue can be resolved! Or not. If you can understand the person to whom you are speaking, you might discover that your order isn’t in their “system” and to their knowledge, you didn’t receive their product. But you did. They have your credit card info from the shipping costs. And you were charged for it. How could it NOT be in their “system”?
You explain your dilemma to the unfortunate service rep who is probably in a claustrophobic crowded room with everyone on phones for the one hundred or so other products their employer has on the market for special “trials” and they are simply reading a prepared list of non-answers to ensure that enough confusion will ensue regarding your cancellation attempt so the company can get your money. At this stage, you know something’s up and it’s beginning to feel a lot like a rip-off.
Your blood pressure begins to rise as the rep continues to verbally shrug at your concerns, suggesting that if you are dissatisfied with the product, you may send it back (your cost once again for shipping), and not to worry about a charge as you still can’t be found in their databank of customers. You ask for their name, jot down the date and notes of the conversation for your records, and ask to speak to a manager to receive a cancellation reference number and to get to the bottom of your missing information.
Alas, either there is no manager available to take your call, or the manager doesn’t accept calls but only letters. Huh? You were under the impression that the terms of the company were “no letters or emails.”
If you do follow through on writing, your letter means nothing. No one contacts you. Nothing is explained. You realize you’ve been scammed despite all prior advertising claims to the contrary, and if you care enough to cancel the order and not allow yourself to be played for a fool, you contact your bank, ask for a block against any future debits from that company or its subsidiaries, and if you’re lucky, your bank won’t charge you for the block – one time only.
Then you sit back, look at the tiny tube of whatever it is and use that little sucker until the very last drop. AND NEVER go for another “Trial” offer of anything ever again…unless you want to look 65 when you’re only 35.
Or something like that.
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