'Pity-Party' Rant

EDITED: 16 x (!!!) after publishing

I intend to Wax Pissy today, so if you'd rather learn more about Egypt falling to pieces or anything else beyond reading about Egos, Hurt Feelings, Anger At Others & Self, then do yourself a favour and come back another day.

In the past, I've written about how important it is for all of us to avoid comparing ourselves, our lives, to Others' Lives & Experiences so that we won't feel the desire to burn down our homes and walk away from everything, only to be found Brooding In The Desert or Mountains or Someplace Where Our Tears Of Self Pity may fall upon no one's eyes or ears. You know, those first steps we take in our Pity Parties? Being alone to confirm our isolation from others, or rejection of and from them?

This time around, the topic goes into the Other Side of Ego Issues – and once again, Social Media (Facebook in particular) – has been my unwitting Testing Ground for how well we/I do or don't handle perceived or real rejection, and what the emotions connected to the "Negativity" those feelings create within. And believe me, in my case and what I've recently witnessed going on in other people's online lives, feeling unappreciated, abandoned, disappointed, angry, hurt, can cause the most seemingly secure person to flip-out.

Remember that Social Media is a Popularity Contest most of the time (beyond a lovely way to reignite old friendships or stay in touch with family). Putting One's Self "Out There" can be risky for The Sensitives.

When we "Like" someone's Status Reports, most people are either flattered or happy or, with The Smug Ones, just another day in "Of Course They Like Me" Paradise. A few will "Like" that you "Liked" their update/post. They are engaged with their friends, albeit simple. At times, a mutual connection is formed with regular acknowledgment(s) of each other's information flowing back and forth at regular intervals.

The  online "play" between friends can be a pleasant, fun, educational experience. However, some people don't bother to reciprocate because they are Too Busy or Too Lazy or Just Not Into Your Status that day – if ever. Over time, you either accept the seeming indifference and continue to support that person's posts because you have a very Light Connection With Them and have no hopes of feedback, or you Unfriend them or read their Updates and move on in silence. It's always your choice to put yourself out there for them – or not.

Obviously I'm writing about Facebook rejection due to Personal Experience, as I'm not feeling very loving toward several FB "Friends" lately, and the Irked-Hurt Buttons within have been pushed. Why? Did I have expectations of certain people? Not really. I simply had Hopes. Hope that several Key People in my life – be it from the Past who are still circling around my Present, and/or Very Much In My Present Yet So Far, would cease being so Self-Centered for a second that they might actually notice something I posted that they "Like" based on how often they seem to Like the same kind of messages by others – and, in my case with the FB friends I am thinking about, I notice that they seem to go for the Famous Friends First in their Liking Sprees - interesting enough, most of whom never respond to their posts.

To clear things up in my head, and to do my best not to allow Petty Childish reactions to take over, I've contacted a few so-called "friends" to inquire about "what's up?" – esp. as I have publicly supported their ventures/efforts and cute posts out of both loyalty and genuine enjoyment - for a very long time with nary a "word" from them. Their response? Most of those I trust to be honest have enjoyed My Stuff, but just didn't think it was necessary to make the effort to click "Like." Or comment if they agree. Or write anything supportive at all. And it's not as if they didn't have the time – esp. when they spend half their days on FB.

One FB contact recently wrote that she has learned who actually cares for her through how few responses she received when mentioning her dog was ill, but how, when she was interviewed on a Very Popular TV Show, her in-box, FB Page, etc. filled-up with tons of messages and greetings. How true. How sad. How terribly real.

It might appear to my FB friends that I do similar things with friends who are Famous/Almost Famous and am just complaining for no reason other than a Bruised Ego. Not so fast. You have no idea how many of those things I don't comment on or "Like" – just because I know that "they" know I do notice and enjoy most of their family pictures or their fun times with Other Celeb Icons. I've "Liked" and Commented often and consistently enough to send the message of interest their way...and will continue. Odd as it may seem, they are more likely than not to respond. My point? Unless someone is posting hateful anti-Obama or Endless "Do You Love Jesus" things, I'll "Like" even the most awful-looking Meme from a "Regular Person" if I relate to the message. I call myself an Equal-Opportunity "Liker."

One thing I've begun to notice over the past year is how very few (if any) comments or "Likes" numerous people are not receiving despite their Incredible News of a Career Success. It's not that these people aren't sincerely liked by others, but the Silence They Are Discovering could be out of their own oblivious or Self-Centered inability to reciprocate by reading /viewing and "Liking" their own friends' posts. After a while, one tires of being supportive without some kind of mutual exchange unless one has reached Nirvana-Like Emotional-Spiritual Sainthood.

No, we don't HAVE to reciprocate All Of The Time. I truly do my best to overcome Expectations About Almost Everything. But I do value mutual support – even when we may not always be in 100% agreement with someone's post. And, if we feel comfortable enough with whoever that "friend" is, we might write something cute or simple to let them know we're still "with them" despite differences. I mean, isn't FB a place for Communication? And WTF is Communication Without Mutual Communication?

Or, as with too many people, mutual communication may not be the purpose of their post. Perhaps all they care about is letting you know they need money for Kickstarter and/or Please Donate (to their fav cause), even if they have never, ever, "Liked" anything you've written to them in support, or they want you to know about the tres expensive bag they just bought that you can't afford. And, if you can afford Whatever It Is, then By God, you better pull out your Black Card for a shopping spree to Keep Up with that person, then posting your own recent purchase for all to see.

Do I sound a tad bitter? How about a tinge of Bitter Disappointment instead? Why? What happened beyond finally realizing who really Doesn't Give Two Twats about most of my posts? This: Inconsistency/Fickleness and Lack of Support from those I had thought were willing to "Be There" for me as they had been – consistently. Had they not been in a long-time cooperative rhythm with me, I wouldn't feel upset. But when the music abruptly stops, so does my heart stop - in shock.

Here is an analogy: You are an actor in a play. Your show runs several times a week. Opening Night was jammed with well-wishers. For weeks you see faces in the audience of Loyal Friends who Show Up To Support you. Naturally, you don't expect them to be there every night. But, shock-of-shocks, there they are. Giving you a Thumbs-Up. It feels good. You aren't without love and kindness from those you also love and support. You like their own work, too, and you show up for them because you know how much it means to them to have feedback about their work.

You don't take your Loyal Friends For Granted, either. You always invite them back to the Green Room and thank them for being there. You haven't been a Diva. You aren't claiming to win a Tony Award. You're just happy to see them. And then, without warning, they stop coming to your show.

You think something happened to them. Your play is still doing well, but it's not the same without them in the audience. You grow concerned. But then, after one of your shows, you see that they have been going to The Other Theatre next door where someone else they know is in a play. At first, you understand. They are The Supportive Type…why shouldn't they spread it around? But after a few days, you barely see them in your theatre again. You feel hurt, then angry (or vice versa) as they continue to go to the other play while pretending they didn't see you on the same sidewalk. Something like that. You've been ignored, is the bottom line. 

Were you feeling spoiled by their attention? Maybe. Or, do they simply not care for your play, your lines, your face – YOU – anymore? What to do? Ignore their next project because you feel like a fool constantly providing feedback one way or another with no reciprocity on your own work? Had there not been a consistent mutual exchange all along, it might not matter. When there had been, it's hurtful and one tends to leave Loving Feelings Behind in place of Confusion and a reminder that, once again, everything does happen for a reason – and, with a slightly broken heart – my mind conjures all kinds of Not-So-Wonderful Reasons why people like me with Good Intentions are often the ones who suffer the most.

So, here I am on a Saturday morning, angry with RLFB friends who I believe I have allowed to take me for granted.

No more. (Is that the sound of violins I'm hearing?)

Image via: http://infoalbania.org