The Weekly Fluff

Before the extreme heat turns my abode into a Sweat Lodge again today (the A/C suddenly doesn't feel like doing its job) and my Typing Fingers become too hot to handle, I'll quickly run through the Best Fluff I can remember from the past week. One of the primary bits of Celeb Gossipy stuff I find horrendous is the news that some idiot person in Florida decided to provide Little Justin Beaverland with the gift of Another Pet Monkey he can dump on another country during his travels throughout The Big Wild World. 

The main question is: did Justin finally locate his new toy? Last news I read was that he may have "lost" his new prisoner friend prior to jetting-off to more places where little girls who do not know better will cry and weep when he finally decides to arrive on stage (if he doesn't trip on his diaper pants along the way).

Next in line is how Lady Gag-Gag sang the National Anthem a cappella at NYC's Gay Pride Event, her first public performance since retreating to what had been my world last year of recuperating from hip surgery with endless Physical Therapy and re-learning how to walk. She looked refreshed (some people are saying in more ways than one with a new nose, perhaps? New "fillers" for her face in general? A new wig of simple fashion rather than wearing a dead animal or their nests on her head). Whatever, she did sing well and lifted the spirits of the already seriously lifted LGBT Community with her supportive speech followed by the anthem. Her detractors want her to return to "hiding" and complain that she only showed-up for PR. Okay. So what else is new? At least she showed-up.

By now you may have read how Tommy Cruise apparently rocked Cher's world many a millennium-ago before the CO$ tied his cojones to their bank account, thus removing whatever prowess he may have had in a woman's bed. Just ask Katie Homes. I don't think he ever rocked her world if we are to review her Sad Face pictures during their contract marriage. Oh Cher! I bet Tommy is flying higher than usual on his Alien Wings now that a Still Hot Diva has validated his sexuality. Really, Cher? I thought your audience was primarily comprised of gay men. Hmmmm.

Paula Deen… Yep. Paula Deen. Need I write/say more?

According to a flurry of Blind Items, not one married and/or Handsome Guy In Showbiz is faithful to his spouse/partner – straight or gay. Everyone, it seems, is having sex on the side with half of Hollywood, Manhattan, Colorado, Florida, The Hamptons, any alley in any city, any bathroom in any club, every car or limo they are ever riding within, every hotel they check into, and on and on. If so, once again I must say, "So what else is new"?

According to several "sources" Jennifer Anal-Stone and Justin Theroux may be having a wee bit of trouble pulling That Wedding together. Yep. I doubt that anyone who has followed this romance is surprised to read that Justin wants to spend more time in his stomping grounds of NYC, while the Totally West-Coast Oriented Aniston isn't having it! If true, someone needs to sit Miz Cabo-California down and remind her that marriages/relationships usually involve a little thing called "compromise." But then, that's what's being "said" – I don't know if it's true, do you? If so, do you even care?

And here we go again with more Brad Pitt gossip, which, in truth, isn't Real Gossip, just an increasing cacophony of jeers by former and current fans, bloggers, etc. who are now calling the once "Hunk" a "Chunk" as he gains weight in obvious places such as his face and stomach. The culprits? Excessive drinking combined with "no time" to work out and a diet of junky food as he roams the world to promote his Zombie Film, WWZ.

It's almost sad to see what's happened to the once Pretty Boy since he became a Sudden Father of six and a possible Caretaker to his Significant Other-worldly Partner, Mizzy Jolie. Tsk. Time to rest, Mr. Pitt, and stop eating Fast Food when you aren't "too busy" for a healthy diet. La Jolie likes her men trim and fit, even when they look like Billy Bob Thornton. That guy was skinny!

Writing of "skinny" and Angelina Jolie's assumed body-type preference, many Jolie-Watchers still want to feed her before the flesh begins to crumble into nothing but a series of Veins. C'mon, Angie! Have a burger, okay? they say. A "Burger"? Nah! How about a mountain of carbs mixed with anything Paula Deen would make?

On that slightly sassy note, it's time to go before the heat begins to slowly kill my laptop. It's sensitive to outside influences, just like its owner.

Have a happy day – and stay inside or in the ocean or pool should you live in the American Southwest. "They" say today will be even hotter than yesterday. Ouch!

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