Actually, I enjoy the shows that don't try to make murder "cute" and "likeable" as the soundtrack to several of those programs try a lilting, "clever" tone as if they are copying Desperate Housewives with a female narrator whose voice and delivery is exactly as the former TV hit's narrator sounded, as well as the "up to mischief" music so heavily associated with the show. Those out-of-touch techniques don't work for me. We're talking about Real Life Murders and severely torn lives, not a cutesy "Oh, and then he grabbed Sheila as she was walking home from school... (enter chirpy music) where she was then murdered and tossed into the desert like a Rag Doll to wither in the sun." (More chirpy music and narration in an "Up" tone.)
Nauseating, I tell you. However, not all of the programs I decided to waste my time watching were of the "aren't we cute" kind. I learn quite a bit from those programs – particularly if I intend to murder someone. First off, I know not to overact during a 911 call. That's the tip-off right there. OTT reactions I've heard usually lead to that person's guilt. Second, remember to wash your hands to get rid of gun shot residue if a gun is the weapon of choice, and if you must wash blood off your clothes, don't do it at home where CSI people can check your washing machine drains for blood. Also, don't leave your Killing Clothes in the Dryer, either. They are bound to create suspicion – especially if you're a guy who isn't known to wash his own clothing.
Try to leave the Scene Of The Crime with Both of your latex or cotton/wool gloves, rather than sloppily dropping one of them on the grounds of the murder. Oh, and remember to Wear Gloves in the first place and leave no hair fibers anywhere. A Hazmat Suit might be best for The Perfect Murder. Next, don't brag about your crime to anyone. They'll always tell someone else – even if it's twenty years later – and there are no Statutes Of Limitation on murder charges.
Yes indeed, much to learn on those shows for Budding Sociopaths and Psychopaths and Jealous Lovers. However, beyond the Classic Sickos, a seemingly "average" person can be pushed to their limits over money and custody battles with their spouse. Suggestion? Don't keep financial secrets from your partner (Biz Or Lover-Types) because chances are they will discover your impending financial ruin (which usually causes a Negative Effect on their own lives), and if Money Is Everything To Them you must either admit guilt or kill them to keep your Successful Reputation Intact.
Regarding Custody Issues, sorry, but you're on your own in that arena. I do feel that killing the annoying/hostile/revengeful/nasty/suspicious Ex for "the children's sake" is a piss-poor excuse for murder. It's a selfish act toward the kids, isn't it? You know, killing their mother/father and then, if caught, ending-up in prison forever where the supposed beloved children won't have anyone but strange relatives or Basic Strangers Via Foster Care who will raise them without you. Therefore, beyond being a really Sore Loser, one might want to rethink the plan to murder the Ex, yes?
Finally, one other thing I've learned while viewing personal mayhem play out on the Telly Screen is that, in the end, most of the time, Murder Isn't The Answer…unless you're Betty Broderick or Clara Harris. **
Now you know why I have chosen to be Single after many relationships. Yep. A few of you have truly dodged a bullet.
** Links for Betty B. and Clara Harris
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