Hold onto your armchair and prepare to yawn your way into Glazed-Eyed Brain Freeze with information You Don't Really Need To Know about people who are supposedly more "special" than you, yet somehow manage to make the majority of us feel saner than we might be in our Real Lives - unless, of course, you live a life of Family Drama beyond what is considered "the norm" and have millions of dollars to throw away on expensive weddings, tres expensive exotic vacations floating around on yachts, and an obsessive collection of Birkin Bags.
First off, we have the Shocking Possible Revelation that our fav Ditzy Babe, Jessica Simpson, has a father who reportedly announced to his family a short while ago that he Likes Menz! As in, really, really, likes them - particularly if they are young - thus, his desire to divorce his long-suffering wife, Tina. If true, now we know why Jessica had the Longest Pregnancy Evah...holding onto her Womb Resident with whispers of "Don't Come Out Yet...Grandpa Has To Do It First."
Next on the list is how Prince Harry is regaling his fellow soldiers with readings from the much dissed book his Sister-In-Law, Pippa Middleton, placed on the market to tell On A Budget peeps how to have reasonably priced weddings and parties - something like that. Oh, that Harry! What a card he is. Laughter all around is the word from another Mysterious Source. Is he too making fun of Pippa, or merely showing his Hidden Lurve for her? Only his Heart Parts And Hot Pants know the truth.
Nicole Kidman is opening-up to reporters regarding how she didn't feel "comfortable" during the filming of sex scenes with her then-husband Tommy Cruisey when they were put through the hell of working on Stanley Kubrick's disaster of Eyes Wide Shut. She adds that, in general, she also didn't feel very "comfortable" with Tom during their marriage. My first question is: they actually had sex? The second question: they actually had sex? Nicole is telling us that since she married Keith Urban, she has "opened-up sexually." Well, of course she has. Ten years without sex makes one willing to "open up." Especially when there are no CO$'ers standing guard in the Cruise bedroom to ensure that Tommy wouldn't whisper the Secret Codes Of The Faux Church in a moment of Human Bonding. Also, chances are that anything going on in their bedroom involved Eyes Wide Open - with lights on. Eeek!
Breaking Newz! Prince William continues to sport an expanding Bald Spot on his head. That's okay. When he eventually becomes King, he'll have enough crowns to cover it up. (Yes, that was lame, but we are focusing on a Very Lame Story.)
Unless you aren't glancing at magazines while waiting in line at the grocery store, you could not have missed People Magazine's cover of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's 6.5 Million Dollar Welding (not a typo) with Justin placed above his new bride in a very odd leaping motion while Jessica's picture is demure and dull as she sits almost as a Lady-In-Waiting. In a way, I think the cover arrangement tells the tale of whatzzup with them. Now that the Grand Moment has been executed, they will return to their separate lives and we'll only see pictures of them walking around streets in LA every now and then to maintain their Image Of Sincere Happiness before Justin jets off to who-knows-where, and Jessica tip-toes to whatever places she likes to hide her "private life." (Or so "they" say.)
Am I missing anything? Oh yeah. Chris Brown still sees his Other Girlfriend, Tran-What's-Her-Name now that he's "single." Where's Rihanna? Blah. Who cares?
I could go on and on, but by now, if you haven't fallen asleep, you are certain to be ready to see your Dentist for that long postponed Root Canal to take away The Pain Of Banality.
See you back here tomorrow! And, as always, thanks for stopping by.
Image via: elephantjournal.com
tee hee - brilliant recaps!
ReplyDeleteNot-So-Hidden-Fan ;>)))
Thanks mucho!
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