Bumpity-Bump-Bump

Are fertility drugs being passed around Hollywood like cocaine at an uber-hip back room party at the latest club? It would seem that way with what seems to be a new baby-on-the-way announcement from one celeb after another every week of late. By now, unless you’ve been on a news blackout since Sunday night, you know that Beyoncé is full of baby-making magic after showing off her baby bump at the VMA’s, thus, showing-up the show. If it hadn’t been for Lady Gag-Gag’s gender bender character, no one would be talking about anything else from that event.

And then there is Hillary Duff  in pregger’s land. And Jennifer Garner (for the 3rd time with husband Ben Affleck). And January Jones (who?). Then, of course, Tori Spelling who is reportedly due in the fall.

And recently, after what felt like the longest pregnancy EVAH, Pink finally popped out a little one. And so did Natalie Portman, Mariah Carey, Kate Hudson, Christina Applegate, Penelope Cruz, Victoria “Posh” Beckham, Alicia Silverstone, Jewel, Alanis Morissette, Jane Krakowski, Alicia Keys, Jessica Alba, Tina Fey…. 


Have I missed anyone? Probably. The list is so long I could spend half of the day researching who is how far along, the due dates, or if they have already produced the little darlings.

It’s a bit difficult to keep up. One can get whiplash from the stream of announcements.

I have nothing against procreation, but isn’t it a bit odd how many babies are filling the nurseries in Hollywood these days? I have to say that one area where the economic woes of the country aren’t being felt are those in the Nanny biz. And baby apparel. And toys. And Baby Shower Event Planners. And pediatricians.

But the most ironic pregnancy focus for years, especially now, is the one heaped on Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie, of all the high profile stars in the celestial galaxy of tabloid fodder. As if Jolie needs another child’s wrist to grasp as if it were a stick shift on an older model sports car. Have you seen how she makes her little darlings reach way up there to have mommy drag them through an airport or another toy store? Can’t she reach down TO them to hold their hands rather than pull their arms almost out of their sockets as if she is walking a dog through Best In Show on a tight leash?

Hmmmmm.

But Jennifer Aniston is in the pregger’s top hot seat once again. This time the pressure is mounting now that she and her new beau, Justin Theroux, have reportedly nestled into a modest Hollywood Hills home together. And that we barely see pictures of her anymore (except for a barefoot and maybe or maybe not pregnant Aniston walking with Justin in Hawaii a while ago). And when we do she looks a tad bloated and baby-bumpish? And all we’re seeing in the news (not just gossip websites) are pictures of Justin alone since their return from the “romantic getaway” on Kauai.

Another hmmm.

Why does anyone care, you may ask? Oh, but “they” do, I tell you. What a revenue boost an Aniston pregnancy would be to all of the tabloids out there and the breathless, gushing stories ad nauseum for months from entertainment TV programs on what the little tot will look like? And how wonderful Jen would be as a mom, especially now that her faithful dog Norman has passed away. And the speculation over whether or not Justin is “right” for her? Yadayadayada.

And, believe me, the tabloids won’t stop adding Angelina and Brad to the cover stories. They will make millions out of more misleading headlines than anyone has witnessed since the Pitt ship set sail into Jolie waters seven years ago, enveloped in a new version of the Bermuda Triangle that has been a gift that keeps on giving. But, in the event of a Jennifer pregnancy, a new twist of the triangle will take shape out of the mysterious fog of a writer’s mind.

If recent speculations of a pregnancy are indeed true, be prepared for more absurd headlines: “Brad Tells Angie He Wants To See Jen’s Baby!” - “Angie Flips Out Over Jen’s Happiness” - “Brad & Angie At Odds Over Brad’s Baby Gift To Jen” - “Brad Furious That Jen Wouldn’t Have His Babies” – and so it goes. 

Well, one way or another, we all shall soon find out what is truth and what is fiction in the never-ending saga of Jennifer Aniston’s much talked-about womb, won’t we?