The Annual Get Drunk On The Telly Awards Show tried to Be Something, yet merely oozed-out of our TeeVee's like a disoriented Slacker attempting to focus on whether or not they should light-up another spliff or stumble into the shower to clean-up cuz they had Somewhere They Had To Go and "make nice."
The Awards Non-Extravaganza wasn't a complete disaster. Nor was it Very Much Fun, either. It would seem that anyone who takes the time to watch people applaud one another while holding cumbersome-looking Award Statues in their smooth-hot-waxed-hands, might have sensed how B.O.R.I.N.G it felt. Quite flat, in truth. Mebe bringing Charo back would have added a bit of much-needed adrenalin to the event, eh?
Where did the Usual GG Zinging-Insider Digs go this year? Indeed there were a few. But Very Few. One in particular that was a Belly Laugh for both the In-House Audience-Participants and those at home happily able to leave their perch for a Break From Tedium without the need for a Seat-Filler (wink-wink, if you know what I mean), was when the unusually not-as-funny-as-many-expected hostesses, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, aimed at a non-present George Clooney by saying that Gravity, the film he shared with Sandra Bullock, proved just how much he can't handle spending time with a woman his age – which was hilarious and is an Almost Spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen it by now. Beyond that light jab, The Jibs were naught, and The Jabs were too taut. (And no, the latter isn't a typo.)
On the Plus-Side of things, I was thrilled that Jared Leto won for his amazing role as a Transgender With AIDS in Dallas Buyer's Club in the Best Supporting Actor In That Something Or Other category for Whatever That Category Means cuz the GG's like to bring a diverse mix of The Categories from Film To TV To Music to whatever together to ensure that All Of Hollywood will, at one time or another, receive their Bribed Stamp Of Approval. I refer to "bribed" because, as is Universally known, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, hosts of the GG's, is/are happy to be invited to Uber-Private Celebrity Parties where champagne flows freely and buffet's aren't seedy and the bill is paid by A Studio or Agent or Manager or Publicist or All Of The Above of a Film/Actor/Crafter vying for the GG Awards in any given year.
Yes, the same happens for Other Awards. However, the GG's are The Most Notorious In Our Time for being more than eager for caviar and Rare Truffles coupled with The Finer Things from those who have something or someone To Sell.
Otherwise, although I loved Diane Keaton's attire, she went beyond her Normal Weirdness when she sang a little ditty for Mr. Woody Alien who, as anyone who has read a Gossip Article or watched a TeeVee knows, would never let his shoe soles hit Hollywood's Unhallowed Ground to show up for his Lifetime Achievement Award; thus, in came The Woody Army with Keaton leading the way. But wait! Now that I think about the children's song she sang, no other music would have been more appropriate for the
If you were lucky, you tuned-out of That GG Mess way before a Huge Case of The Awkwards happened in several acceptance speeches, not to ignore how almost every winner had to finish their words with an incessantly aggressive Get Off The Stage Music Underscore.
Other than pulling out a decayed old Super 8 film clip from one's own Prom Night, I can't think of anything more uncomfortable to watch than a group of Extremely Entitled People trying to smile through their losses while their eyes show us just how much they wanted to get the hell out of that auditorium and back to wherever it might be where they could cry in their champagne or punch a wall or two.
What a Night It Wasn't!
'Til next time, have a Wonderful Whatever and thanks for stopping by!
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