The Olympic Opening Ceremonies Grinch Is Here

OMG. I loathed the Olympics Opening Ceremonies last night in London. I really did. Reading Facebook comments this morning, my criticism feels almost disloyal as I read many American-based Brit friends' comments wherein they wrote that they had tears in their eyes from feeling proud. I understand. It's their home, their Mother Country…they miss it. Now, as a self-professed Anglophile, one would think I would have enjoyed the British humour of the Chariots of Fire segment, for example. But I didn't. The idea was cute, the length of it was not as it dragged on and on. Much longer than necessary to get the point across that the title music was basically one note and boring. Got it. Next?

Danny Boyle, the acclaimed director who helmed the event, gave the title "Pandemonium" to one of the portions of the Opening Ceremonies. That is the truth. To me, it was one whacked-out, chaotic showcase of something after another with a few decent moments tossed-in here and there (fireworks, for one), and I did enjoy the filmed part of The Queen with Mr. Bond-Of-The-Moment Daniel Craig, setting a tongue-in-cheek tone for the beginning of it all, but even that little wink-wink of suggesting the Queen had parachuted into the stadium was a bit too much on the silly side for even the Silly Side of me.

There was so much chaos in the field with competing images and jarring camera angles swirling between gyrating dancers in garish outfits dancing to music of the British kind while shooting a Rocket-Type-Thingy into the air to the tune of a Bowie song that I began to wonder What Were They Thinking? Meaning Danny Boyle and company. Not the British en masse. I'm not slamming them at all. Nope. Not Mitt Romney here, but a mere viewer in another land marred by a tape delay that left Americans hissing at NBC for not airing the Opening Live, and instead, waiting to put on the show during USA Primetime. Only the BBC provided proper and full coverage, and not everyone over here gets the BBC channel.

Another irksome element for U.S. viewers was how NBC began their coverage. Most of us dutifully tuned-in at the appointed hour only to find Matt Lauer chatting with Bob Costas with a touch of Ryan Seacrest thrown in for – what purpose? Yadda-yadda-yadda they went on. I wanted to watch the ceremonies, not more Talk-Talk about the security issues. Wow! Thanks, NBC! Let's get things going on a happy note, shall we? Enough!

And I wasn't alone in my disappointment. Half way through the show guests left the TV to get away from the mess and move on to other things – such as talking with each other about how awful the program was – occasionally popping back into the TV room to check if anything had gotten better. Nope. So back they went to the food buffet. Clearly I wasn't among any of the Brits who felt the swell of pride for their country's hosting of The Games.

I wanted to like the program. I didn't have expectations of any sort, which is why I was surprised to find myself rolling my eyes and grousing over what I often felt was a "cheesy" production. As several reviewers have carefully stated, the Opening Ceremonies at the 2008 Summer Olympics held in China were/was/is an extremely difficult act to follow. It was so perfectly choreographed, conceived and executed. Maybe that is why Boyle chose "Pandemonium" – unlike the all-in-sync Chinese production, let's have All Hell Breaking Loose instead.

Oh look! There's Mary Poppins popping-in. Over there it's Harry Potter (or was it just JK Rowling? I couldn't tell among the chaos)! Now it's a few bits of music from The Kinks with more dancers in terrible costumes flinging themselves all over the place. I'm amazed they didn't bump into each other. And let's not ignore the homage to the National Health Service with people dressed in Turn-Of-The-Century garb taking care of the sick. Oh, quick! Look at - WTF? - a shot of The Royal Family looking dazed and confused, not to ignore The Queen examining her fingernails with an expression of pure boredom.

Queen Elizabeth looked quite stern (so what else is new?) in several pictures where she looked upon the many nations march into the stadium. Who wouldn't after the helter-skelter of odd choices of music from British artists who have changed our world over the decades (ignoring several key players such as Sir Elton John's music). But I will give her a fast-clap for allowing herself to be part of the fun in the earlier mentioned clip with Daniel Craig. Good for her.

If only the remaining show had been as spiffy. Not that Sir Paul McCartney didn't try to give it his best. He was a perfect choice to close the ceremonies…. See? I'm stretching to write something nice. I really want to support the effort it took to put such a large production in motion. However, I can't pretend to like something I actually loathed.

So, with that, it's now truly On With The Games and the real reason we have Olympic competitions – so that a few countries can boast about their medal counts and the rest of us can watch stunningly fit bodies swim, jump, volley and run their way into Olympic Sports History.