Falls of Shame

Have you heard (and do you care) that Rihanna fell down and went BAM-Boom during a recent performance in Canada? I care to write about it (rather than Nebraska’s Fort Calhoun nuclear power plant danger, or other weightier issues) because this must be the year of women toppling over in the most public of forums. So, how can I resist a comment or more about it – especially when serious, life-changing and challenging issues give me the vapors today?

Rihanna joins Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, and Shania Twain thus far on this year’s Female Slip-Sliding Away list. Christina kicked-off the trend earlier this year with her sudden ka-boom during a Grammy Awards group tribute of Aretha Franklin songs when she almost fell off stage.

I don’t know what Christina’s problem involved, but Lady Gaga’s downfall happened while in the middle of an attempt to be somewhat chanteusey-edgy by warbling atop a piano, one foot on top of the shining Steinway, the other on what turned out to be a wobbly chair. More reason for the Lady G to stick with Terra Firma-based gyrations. Some people just can’t handle well-buffed slick surfaces mating with a common piece of furniture.

In Shania and Rihanna’s situations, mile-high stiletto’s appear to be the culprits. Shania had a nasty trip and fall while climbing her way to the stage at the CMT Awards earlier this month. Recovering with a bit of self deprecating humour, she has threatened to place the unreliable stiletto’s on the auction block where hopefully they won’t take on a life of their own and fly up to bitch-slap the auctioneer in perverted glee.

In my opinion, the trend on and off stage to wear outrageously high heels is more than bizarre: it’s dangerous – and unhealthy! Although high heels may enhance the curve of a nice pair of legs as well as visually dazzling in a variety of sleek uber chic styles, they are unsteady connections to the ground beneath one’s feet, and are known to create muscle cramps in legs and bone distortions in the feet over time – among other health problems.

Beyoncé has experienced several on-stage tumbles over the years, and once again this year, while in Orlando, Florida, she stepped on the hem of her trench coat costume at the top of a stage stairway, toppled oh-so-professionally into the new Hall of Klutz Fame and, as with all of the above, carried on with the show. But I’m sure she was wearing ridiculously high heels that decided to clutch onto the coat’s inner stitching's that caused the pitching.

Falling under any circumstance isn’t funny in mine eyes – unless it is a deliberate part of a routine. I just find the domino-effect of teetering, tottering-stage-plops to be an unfortunate fact of show-biz life more than ever, as with the absurd daily headlines in both news and gossip magazines and websites that announce the latest starlet in a bikini as if it were Breaking News that stars are people too and wear bikinis at beaches and resorts. Have you noticed THAT latest trend as well?

Aside from the over-the-top nose-bleed-inducing height of high heels this year, the basic point I want to make in today’s flog is that it’s time for female performers (and award presenters) to lead a new trend by developing stronger footing (or, in Lady G’s case, better balance from firm butting) before someone ends-up in an ICU from extreme image-focused strutting.