Are you afraid of negative reactions to your thoughts/ideas/comments? Do you think it's wise to Keep Your Mouth Shut more often than not with Certain People in your life?
I'm asking these questions as I have found myself not only "Holding My Tongue" in Real Life, on this blog, and on Social Media, but, actually Biting My Tongue almost everyday, everywhere. It's a new Bad Habit. While I have written the above (and the side-to-my-left-sentences), the Now Unconscious Habit has stuck out its tongue so that I may thoughtlessly lightly bite it as I write. Maybe I can retrain myself to just Bite My Lip instead, as my tongue is becoming annoyed with my ill-treatment of it. Perhaps that's why I seem to be losing my Sense Of Taste of late. Truly. That is an honest statement. No holding back on that. The issue is only between my tongue and me. Maybe it's retaliating against my lack of candor.
When I haven't held back this year with my feelings when I have an issue with someone, or a concern I want to discuss with another about something going on in my life, I've discovered a combination of Openings And Closings. Some people want to know what they think is another person's Truth, while Others have no time or patience, compassion or interest. And when we see the closures, hear the grueling silence from a Long-Not-Returned phone call or a lengthy lapse in an email response from someone with whom we once could talk to while sitting on the bidet, you know you either made a Huge Mistake by not stuffing your emotions for the Hundredth Time, or you suddenly discover who your Real Friends are at this stage in your life.
And that, my friends, is part of what I have been going through for several years – particularly this year – with painful, eye-opening results. It hasn't been pleasant. I've been angry at a few, hurt by others, and completely baffled at times. But, after having gone through similar situations throughout my life, I think I'm finally learning something. When I actually get beyond feeling sorry for myself, I'll let you know what my lesson is beyond creating dents in my tongue.
I'm not focusing on complaining to others – endlessly – about an issue that becomes extremely boring and tiring for friends to hear as if one is a recording of Self on a loop. Most of us roll our eyes when a friend wears us out on the Same Old-Same-Olds – especially if there is no resolution or solution to the friend's problem. Or, if they know how to change "it" and yet don't, but simply want to dump their Never-Ending Story in your ear (or, if writing, cause your eyes to glaze over one more time).
No. That's not what I mean when I write of Self-Censorship in the vein of when to Be Honest, with whom, and when Not To Say A Word for various reasons. I'm talking about attempts to learn exactly where one actually "stands" in someone's life when asking questions that some may be too cowardly to answer, or afraid of hurting feelings, which they do anyway with the Un-Returned Call or Email. And, it grows even murkier when you have nicely asked if you have done something to upset, offend, or Whatever It May Be, to a friend and they always tell you they love you and all is well, yet continue to behave as if you don't exist while they dash about their lives with others after putting you off.
When you see what Their Truth Is, it's clear that Actions DO Speak Louder Than Words. Thus, I have now decided that I will censor myself once again with several people I once trusted, by Censoring Myself Right Out Of Their Lives.
I know this has been a vague-ish post. But, I'm Biting My Tongue (again).
That's all she wrote.
Image via: http://ibnlive.in.com
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