What's a gossip rundown without mentioning The Mess, Mizzy Lohan? The little non-darling will soon be out of Rehab and will pass Go and dash immediately into the arms of The Big O – that's Winfrey in case you are confused on the "O" – where, according to various reports, she will spill her newly-purified guts out in an interview.
The OWN Network needs higher ratings (despite a recent improvement), therefore who else but Miz Low-Hand will single-handedly (while the other hand slips into O's Goldmine when The O turns her back for a second) bring The Big Numbers Oprah desperately wants? I CAN wait to see that, really, I CAN. There's more to this story, but I think Michael K wrote it best right HERE.
In another Fantasy Land not too far, far away, former Prez Bill Clinton had a little chat over the phone with the Beaverland Boy who managed to get through to The Guy Who Will Talk To Anyone For Hours At Any Hour Any Day, to apologize for babbling-out a few choice words to a picture of Clinton on a wall in a restaurant kitchen where he was gracefully relieving himself into a mop bucket of sorts.
If you haven't heard about all of that nonsense, take a moment to savour the vision of the Wannabe Thug In Diaper Pants, a bucket, a certain human activity one usually doesn't do in public, a picture of Bill Clinton, a little chat between the two of them about that incident – then mix it all around in your head and tell me you still don't believe The End Of Civilization Is Near.
Remember the quirky Winona Ryder? Well, seems like she's getting another Bum Rap these days because she prefers staying home to running all over the world in a bikini or fame-whoring herself into oblivion. Yep. According to a writer-of-sorts at a less-than-illustrious publication, she's Still Crazy After All These Years! Why do "they" think this way? Get this: she's supposedly shopping online all the time and NOT WEARING the items she buys! Gasp! She doesn't like to talk to her cleaning people, either. She's saying not-so-nice things about her former ex, Johnny Depp, and her former BFF, Mizzy Goop! Horrors! How unnatural of her! None of us ever say anything bad about our ex's or BFF's whom we think have effed us over, right? Tsk. She's just so – so – REAL that it's appalling!
Writing of Mr. Depp, I think by now it's clear to everyone how his latest film, The Lone Ranger, has become one of His Worst Films Evah! Playing Tonto to a piss-poor depiction of The Ranger in an almost plot-less mess has more than a few industry eyebrows in a peculiar lift of quizzical-ness.
Whispers abound that Depp may no longer be Box Office Gold! Hmmm. Odd. He's had several "flops" before now and managed to survive. He may need a bath/shower more often than not; however, he remains one of the Better Actors out there. Just don't pair him with actresses with whom he has no chemistry (i.e.; The Tourist with Angelina Jolie) or allow him to pretend he's an Indian who loves to paint his face all kinds of weird. Nice horse, though.
Now that Suri Cruise has been yelled-at and name-called by a Classy Paparazzo, it may be a while before we'll have another chance to see how happy Katie Homes still looks now that she's a year free from Mr. Insanity. She may pop up solo from time to time, but not with her Princess. At least, I hope she won't subject her child to the continuing circus of camera people at every place she goes. I'm with Halle Berry on the need to "crack down" on all of Those Crackers who scare the Bee-Hay-Suse out of Little Celebrity Children.
(Oh, and as a side note to a Certain Celebrity Couple with a ton of children, try to tone down the calls to The Pap's whenever you travel or shop with your kids. They never look happy being dragged-around for Photo-Ops. You think we believe the camera peeps just "happened" to be hanging-out at a tiny supermarket in the middle of nowhere in another country? Hmmm.)
This could go on all day; however, I'm already running behind Posting Time.
Until tomorrow, then, have a Wonderful Whatever!
Image via: http://www.dreamstime.com
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