All of the forbidden foods were placed in a suitcase and rolled into my part of the house for safekeeping until the cycle is/was/will be over. I'm officially The Shiksa Of The House! The Holder of All Things Not Kosher! The Resident Goy!
The odd thing is, I like Kosher food far more than my Jewish friend does. Matzo Ball Soup has always been one my favourite soups to not only eat/sip, but also to make from "scratch." I like Gefilte Fish with a heavy dose of horseradish, too. I also do my part every Friday evening when I'm home to join in the Shabbat Candle Lighting routine at sundown, and do my best to not use electronics in the main part of the home, per the tradition of not turning on lights/electricity of any sort that would conflict with the sacred light from the candles.
Yes, I'm a very nice Goy to go along with my friend's tradition every weekend and during Passover. Except when it gets down to popcorn.
Popcorn is one of my Top 5 Favourite Snacks. It puffs up, so it is among the No-No Foods. In respect to the shared kitchen in the house, I haven't popped the corn kernels in too many days. But, lately I've been feeling deprived of the night's snack, so, while my friend was out of the house for the night, I decided to go rogue and pop a little popcorn for myself in hopes I would find some relief from matzo-based treats. With visions of popped corn dancing in my brain, I went to the suitcase and unzipped part of it, stuck my hand inside hoping to easily locate the jar holding the kernels. No luck. Pasta packages, bags and boxes of various flours and other temporarily unsavory foods were all I could find at the top. I kept digging. No popcorn. I gave up and went to bed, deciding that I'd wait for another time.
Well, that "time" was last night. Once again alone in the house, the Siren Call Of Popcorn Heaven could no longer be ignored. This time I moved the dresser by my bed which was blocking the suitcase filled with Not Afflicted Food that rises when cooked, unzipped the entire bag, and began removing the contents. With each reach, no popcorn jar was felt or, eventually, seen. Frustrated, the contents of the case became a sprawling mass of pasta packages, rice bags, and more on the floor. I looked into other sections of the suitcase. Nothing. Where's the damn popcorn, I asked no one other than the Unseen Hand of God. C'mon, God. Can't I have some popcorn – please? Nope.
This morning I awoke to see the damage I made in the frantic attempt to procure my Forbidden Treat. The boxes and packages and bags are still lying in a scattered heap on the floor. The dresser remains at an angle. My Sin is on display for all to see. It was late when I rummaged through the suitcase. I am neat, but this time I didn't feel like stuffing everything back into the case or doing anything else but sighing loudly, slipping into bed, and that was that.
I didn't know last night that today is the last day of Passover, so when this news hit my ears this morning, the idea of putting everything back for only a few more hours seemed a waste of time as tomorrow the suitcase will be gone from my room; the items back on the pantry shelves, and real bread and rice and all of the other grains I so love will once more be available for consumption. Except for my popcorn. I can't find it anywhere.
After telling my friend about the futile popcorn searches, I asked where it is stored. Laughter was the response. "Go write about it," they said. "You're funny." Well, maybe when talking about it. We'll find out if it translates in writing.
Also, my friend may not be laughing much longer if I find out that the popcorn was thrown-away! You don't mess with a Snack-Deprived Shiksa!
Image via: http://www.americastestkitchenfeed.com
THANK GOD IT'S ALMOST OVER! SICK OF MATZO! FUNNY FUNNY PIECE, SHAUNA Z!
ReplyDelete