As in, suddenly they're running away from helping, supporting, "being there" for that person with whatever the patient needs from them - or anyone.
Compassion, empathy, isn't in everyone's DNA. But one doesn't always know this about the people with whom they have developed what appeared to them to be a loving, close association of any sort until they become ill or injured and require care. Even while in a hospital where all that might be required of the spouse/partner, etc. is to show-up, hang-out, hold a hand, translate what the doctor or nurse just said if under sedation and unable to comprehend the often incomprehensible information.
Or, just bringing flowers to cheer up the drab hospital room and the supposed loved-one's spirits.
This particular subject has risen to the top of my mind after not only having my own shock at the reactions of family and a few friends over the years whenever I had to be hospitalized for one thing or another, or simply very ill with the flu, but with the recent knowledge that a friend's boyfriend (whom she had been supporting financially) bailed on her when she nearly died a month ago.
All was well in their Happy-Land until the boyfriend realized his meal ticket and wonderful lover was human - with frailties. And, it wasn't as if she had been perfectly healthy when they met. She has pre-existing conditions that could send her into a health spiral at any time, so he certainly had to be aware that a bit of tender care might be required throughout their relationship.
What, I have to ask, is wrong with these people?
Fear is part of it. Fear for one's self, is a portion of the tune-out. The general mindset of those who "bail" is part a) What will they do without their love/child/friend? Better "protect" their possible heartbreak by emotional and possible physical exit from the situation. b) They don't want the "taint" of illness to rub off on them. c) The responsibility of caring for another is too much for them to handle.
Okay. It's understandable that not everyone is capable of care-giving. However, what's with the complete inability to show compassion and love? Surely a way around becoming the complete "care-giver" is available to many. If health insurance doesn't cover Home Care, then find a way to ease the load and recruit compassionate friends, relatives or even strangers (under supervision) to help.
To me, it's not only a head-scratching situation when people leave the scene of the sick-bed, but is a reason to reevaluate the limitations of those we most depend upon for our well-being. If only we didn't discover these holes in our closest associates while in the midst of a crisis. There is no true/accurate test to take to discover who will bolt and who will stay, nor is it always obvious with how the other person treats others with illnesses if nothing has popped-up to provide a hint.
The point to this post is to request that anyone reading this post will look into their hearts and ask themselves if they are able to set aside their fears, or a snobbish attitude that only "Losers Get Sick" and thus must keep their distance. Want to know why? Because, in my life experience, almost everyone who once removed themselves emotionally or physically from me during various illnesses and surgeries have ended-up with serious health problems of their own.
What they were running from caught up with them. And when that happened, they all came back to me with apologies for having left me in the lurch. Luckily, I've had more support than not, yet it has been those with whom I have been in a relationship, or as with my mother, who have disappointed me the most in the last few years.
I don't intend to divorce my mother. She did vacuum my bedroom floor when I returned from the hospital last year, but when I needed my sheets to be changed one would think I was asking for her to build a new bed for me. Suddenly, Mrs. Anal-Compulsive Joan Crawford #2 in the cleaning department seemed unable to even cook my breakfast.
And when I heard of my friend's loss of her boyfriend due to her illness, the reality that who we thought would care for us until "the end" could barely go beyond a hospital stay before wimping-out, has caused me to bring up this subject.
I could make snarky remarks toward people who can't handle illness and the responsibility that often goes with the territory. The truth is, some people are wired to care, and others need to be re-wired "To Beware." And those people could be you and me.
Suggestion: Make sure your insurance covers Home Care, and do as my friend did when her man wimped-out on her as she was filled with breathing tubes and in ICU:
Dump his sorry arse. STAT!
Image via: http://blis.co.nz/probiotic-answers
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