Walking Under the Influence

It's no fun at all to be high from drugs while trudging around on crutches. With all of the medications I have been taking for the now infamous pinched nerve, I'm in a heavier fog than usual. But this time I'm truly a danger to others and myself!

First, it's a long way to the ground if you fall while handling those plastic foam-like crutch handles, and, of course, one wouldn't be on crutches if one could walk normally, right? So, if the person on crutches is having a WUI (Walking Under the Influence) moment, calamity is a strong probability. Victims of a WUI could be everywhere - animate and inanimate objects and persons-of-someone's-interest receive part of the brunt of a wayward crutch traveler.

Crutches in motion can land on the top of a foot, which isn't a pleasant experience. Walls are crashed against and into more often than the result of drunken episodes following an alcohol-laden night.


Crutching requires a reasonable sense of balance. It's been years since I last found myself in the need of a physical crutch, but, as with bicycles and sex, the "it" of it slowly returns and soon it's away we go  - albeit carefully.

If you've had a few strong painkillers and other legal substances of the Opiate family in combo with crutches, there is no doubt that your balance is off, as I'm discovering in the growing restless days of this current personal saga.

In addition to balance issues, there is Pet Meltdown to consider. Not every cat or dog is afraid of crutches, but my little black cat (the "familiar") is. When I began Crutching in her presence, her ears shot up, her eyes went dark, and within seconds she was gone and in hiding. Strange-looking and ploppy- sounding poles were menacing - a new form of things-that-go-bump-at-any-time.

As the days move on, my little friend has begun to realize I need these things, but her attitude is, What in the world are you doing with them? Why do they have to go everywhere you go? And, by the way "Mommy", why can't you lean down and pet me when I stretch out on the floor to receive your attention? 

She's pissed, too. Last night, as I was on the verge of finally getting sleep in a comfortable position, she jumped-up into the bed as my head lay on the pillow, and stared at me - just stared. I had become someone she didn't know, and as it can be with many animals, quite dependent on a schedule (that has been interrupted). Her eyes were letting me know she wasn't at all thrilled with the latest drama. With a profound mee-ouch sound and rritated expression in her yellow-black eyes, she continued to howl, wisp, tweetle and dee between whining and accusing tones to convey her displeasure w/ my new routine of "Crutching" and not being able to play.

We'll get through this.

There is, however, way too much WUI going on today.